How Do You?
by pippychick
Summary: Ianto gets his own back for the crème egg trick. There's only one way to do this.
1. Chapter 1

**Author: **pippychick

**Rating: **T

**Pairing: **Jack/Ianto

**Summary: **Jack shows Ianto what is possible when you practice.

**Disclaimer: **Jack and Ianto don't belong to me, unfortunately. They belong to all the people who had a hand bringing them to life, including but not limited to Russell T Davies, the BBC, John Barrowman and Gareth David-Lloyd. I make no money from this. Please don't sue me – if only because I like you lots and lots.

**Author's Note:**

I work with a guy who can actually do this. I don't get tired of seeing it either. Is he a man or a God? Dan, if you're reading, then this is for you.

* * *

**How Do you...?**

"Ready?" Jack asked, smiling, and Ianto tried to swallow down the remnants of the last one. He just wasn't sure about this. It could be done. He'd seen it done several times now. Several times in a row, in fact. Ianto tried not to think about that.

"I feel a bit sick," he confessed, and Jack laughed a little. Ianto shifted uncomfortably as he hesitated. Bits of thin gaudily coloured foil crinkled around him on the chair, sticking to his suit trousers. How many had they done so far? Ianto put it out of his mind. Jack's office really wasn't the place for this – if there was a place.

"Just watch," Jack said in the manner of a teacher, and Ianto couldn't do anything else but stare. However many times he saw it, the novelty just didn't wear off. Jack had already bitten the top away in readiness, and showed off what was inside. Now Jack glanced at him to make sure he was paying attention, then raised the crème egg to his lips for a short moment. His cheeks hollowed out, and Ianto knew his mouth was hanging open again as Jack pulled the chocolate away from his mouth with a satisfied smirk. How he could smirk with his mouth full was another mystery. He showed the inside of the egg to Ianto. It was empty. He'd sucked out the entire inside of a crème egg.

"You didn't have time to get your tongue in there," Ianto said faintly, hopefully, and Jack shook his head. Jack swallowed rather obviously. Ianto tried not to think about it... too much. Sucking, and swallowing.

"Now, you," Jack said, waving a hand at him. Ianto looked down at the egg in his hand. The chocolate was already melting around his fingers. Not again. By the time he had failed to copy Jack, Ianto was certain he must be turning green. Was it six or seven?

Eventually, later that day, after a longish trip to the gents and a shower to get rid of the sticky feeling of fondant and chocolate, Ianto wrote in his diary.

_Note to self: However tempting it may be, it is never a good idea to say "How do you eat yours?" to Jack._

**Author's Note: **Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author: **pippychick

**Rating: **T

**Pairing: **Jack/Ianto

**Summary:** Ianto gets his own back for the crème egg trick. There's only one way to do this.

**Disclaimer: **Jack and Ianto don't belong to me; they belong to each other. More than that though, they belong to all the people who had a hand bringing them to life, including but not limited to Russell T Davies and the BBC. I make no money from this. Furthermore I promise to wash Jack, Ianto andToshiko down with hot soapy water when I have done. Please don't sue me – I can't pay and if I end up in prison I'll only write on the walls. Don't make me resort to graffiti.

**Author's Notes:**

Well, here we go again. This I wrote in the middle of those long twelve hour days, aka work. As a little challenge to myself, I managed to write this without using the 'f' word. Somehow. Ah.. it's a bit longer this time too, and I'm not all that certain about the ending.

It's Jack, Ianto, yet more chocolate, and a little bit of shameless Tosh-worship because she's beautiful. Enjoy!

Now I really have to catch up on emails.

* * *

**There's Only One True Way**

"Toshiko, I'm going to need you to run an analysis on that –"

Jack stopped in mid-sentence, just as he stopped in mid-stride as his eyes encountered Tosh sat at her monitor. She couldn't have heard him, because she didn't look his way. Her lips parted as she raised her left hand slowly to her mouth. The delicate chocolate she was holding in her fingers slid in over her lips, no doubt smearing lipstick onto it. Raspberry lipstick and chocolate. Jack found himself watching – awestruck. Then she must have bitten into it because the chocolate suddenly crumbled, and Tosh raised her other hand quickly to catch the falling pieces as she made a soft, muffled sound of pleasured surprise.

"Yeah," Jack said, and swallowed. His mouth was watering – and it wasn't the chocolate he wanted. Tosh suddenly seemed to realise he was there, and her eyes jumped to his somewhat guiltily. She didn't say anything. Her mouth was full. Melting velvet, sweet and sticky... wow. He really wanted to stay and watch, but from the way Tosh was looking at him, he didn't think she was going to carry on now. Damn. Jack held up his hands in apology and turned to leave. It could wait until later.

He walked around the Hub while he got over that little shock, and finally found something to talk to Owen about, only the doctor was rather busy fiddling with a bright yellow wrapper. Jack would have stayed to watch, but Owen noticed him just in time, and directed an icy glare his way. "Owen," he said coolly, beginning to feel bothered, kind of sorry to have missed it, "can you do that on your own time?"

The autopsy room door was shut behind him defiantly as he ventured back into the main part of the Hub, just in time to see Gwen with another one of the chocolate sticks. He averted his eyes, and sighed. This was really starting to annoy him. "Gwen. Can you do that kind of thing in front of Rhys?" he snapped. Gwen jumped and looked at the chocolate accusingly. He was being unreasonable – that didn't mean he had to admit it. Jack shook his head with a sigh and gave up, heading for his office. On his desk was a hot cup of coffee... and something else... There was really only one person Jack wanted to see.

* * *

"You're behind this," Jack stated implacably to Ianto a few short seconds later. Jack had time to note that Ianto was dealing with the day's spam email. One thought and one question led to another. How did they get spam? Who had their email addresses? What the hell had Owen signed them up for?

"Behind what?" Ianto asked innocently. Oh, he wasn't going to get away with it that easily! Jack put the chocolate down on the desk in front of Ianto, watching as his eyes slowly lowered to it from the monitor. He'd wanted to slam it onto the desk, but even he couldn't be that destructive. The chocolate was the only true innocent here and it didn't deserve his wrath.

"This," Jack accused from behind the chair, his voice terse. As Jack looked down on him, Ianto smiled. It was nearly a smirk. Jack couldn't be sure actually which one it was, but he leaned towards the latter.

"Ah, yes, I am. However did you guess?" Ianto asked rhetorically with only the merest dash of dry humour. It wasn't quite sarcastic enough to be insulting. "I left it on your desk along with your coffee," Ianto said by way of explanation. Very domestic, very ordinary. Then Jack caught that something in his voice. Oh, yeah. He was hiding it, but he knew what he'd done.

"Ok, what is it?" Jack asked, wondering just what he had done to warrant this special kind of torment. Had he forgotten a birthday? Missed a moment?

Ianto appeared to consider his words carefully, folding his arms and sitting back, not looking up at Jack. It made Jack feel better, until Ianto began to speak. "It appears to be a highly popular confectionery item stocked by most major retailers." Ianto picked up the bar to study it. His fingers actually caressed the wrapper as if to smooth the wrinkles from it. "It's chocolate. It also has it's name printed helpfully on the wrapper in a contrasting colour." Ianto put the chocolate down again.

"The, um, advertising campaign to promote it was extremely successful and famous to this very day, I believe," Ianto pointed out finally. Jack huffed. Like butter wouldn't melt.

"Yeah. I remember." He paused, and Ianto took advantage of that to tease him further.

"Do you remember the one with the overflowing bathtub?" he asked, that slight smile still in place as he leaned back to look up at Jack. Well, butter might not melt... Jack Harkness was not made of butter. "And the one with the lizard?" Ianto finished, his smile so broad now that any moment Jack would get to see his teeth.

"Cute," he replied, unable to stop himself grinning back. "Very, very cute." And cheeky. And exasperating like this. Ianto continued looking up at him for a moment, letting his head rest on the back of the chair in such a way that it exposed his neck. Jack just had time to be very interested before Ianto sat up straight again and peered at the chocolate bar on the desk.

"I don't know if that's _quite_ the reaction they were going for," he said pointedly, "but I do agree, Sir, that there's nothing quite like them."

"Eat it," Jack suggested. He had endured enough. Ianto spun his chair around to face Jack this time, the smile gone, and Jack stopped the motion of the chair with his foot.

"But, that one's yours," Ianto pointed out, looking for all the world like a good plan had backfired on him as Jack leaned forward to rest his hands on the arms of the chair. He was doing his level best to be intimidating. It worked for perhaps a tenth of a second. Ianto just stared at him, a challenge in his eyes.

"Eat it." It was an order this time, and Jack was aware he was being a little petulant, but he couldn't help it.

"I'm afraid I, really can't do that, Sir." They looked at each other for a moment, almost close enough to kiss, before Jack let go of the chair with an annoyed growl.

"Tease!" he said explosively, and then the smile was back in Ianto's eyes. Just like that.

"Shall I put them on the list of things you dislike, Sir?" Ianto asked mildly, and Jack reached around to snatch the chocolate away from where it was on the desk behind the chair in case Ianto was thinking of taking it from him.

"No," he replied with a sigh, sulking, and stalked off to his office.

* * *

Over the course of the day, the chocolate stayed within reach on his desk, and Jack looked to it more than once. The trouble was, every time he thought of eating it, he would catch sight of Ianto outside his office, visible through the glass, which meant that he could be seen too. Why on earth were there glass walls? It became a battle of wills between them, and Jack smiled to himself grimly. He would not be the one to lose.

And so it stayed on his desk until long after everyone had gone home. Even Ianto went eventually, and Jack left it alone and forgotten while he mused over different things, wondering whether to try and sleep. As his eyes roved over reports and documents he found himself staring at it, and he smiled at last. Alone together. He picked up the bar and deftly undid the wrapper, mouth watering in anticipation, a little too eager.

He leaned back in his chair and let himself thoroughly enjoy the moment. He had earned this. Even in private, he was a performer, and he made certain to get every ounce of pleasure from it that he could. Then, just as he was taking his second bite, he saw the tell-tale blinking light of the CCTV camera in his office. Stared at it in fact. And then knew for a sure certainty Ianto was watching him. Right at that very moment. But it also meant something else – it had to.

Jack was studying the CCTV footage in the space of time it took for an ordinary mortal to blink. Ah! There it was! Jack sat down in the chair before the monitor as he watched Ianto earlier in the day. By the time he had replayed it half a dozen times, once in slow motion, Jack had to admit that Ianto was much better at it than he was. Arms came from behind him, and hands rested on the arms of the chair, covering his. Jack smiled. Ianto.

"Don't you have a home to go to?" he asked, teasing, as if he hadn't just been wishing for Ianto to be there with him.

"I thought so," Ianto said gently, his lips soft where they brushed Jack's neck. Jack took a deep breath in and let Ianto keep him prisoner on the chair. "But then I was watching the television, and I realised you were here." Jack laughed a little. Watching TV indeed!

"_I'm_ home?" Jack said, making it halfway into a question, faithfully mimicking Ianto's dry sarcasm. Ianto's lips traced his jawline, and Jack smiled because it felt good.

"So am I," Ianto remarked. And when they kissed, Jack couldn't be held prisoner in the chair any more. They could have a rematch later. And he would love it if Ianto won again. After all, television just couldn't compare to seeing something live.

**Author's Note: **Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. It's really about time we had a Flake boy instead of a Flake girl. Is this the 21st century or not? Well... I'm sure I would buy more of them if it was GDL, or John Barrowman... drifts off imagining it


End file.
